The Hunt for Inner Peace

If you’ve been following along with this blog, I first want to thank you for sticking around on this journey with me. I apologize for not writing as frequently as I promised or personally wanted to, but life was a little hectic these past few weeks.

With a new departmental integration going on at work that has been making my job more emotionally draining than it should be, to having to wait for movers that never showed up to a job when I made my move to from the Upper West Side to the Upper East Side to add more hassle to the stress of moving, things were a little too chaotic for me to handle.

Additionally, I’ve been having trouble sleeping and sticking to the routine that I had made for myself to meet some personal goals of mine because of outside stressors getting the best of me and causing my depression to creep up a little. Fortunately, I haven’t reached a full breaking point yet (knock on wood) but the stress of everything that had been going on wasn’t what some would call “good stress.”

For those who may not understand what I mean by “good stress,” I’ll give a brief explanation. Good stress is the kind of pressure one faces that’s usually short-term and helps you focus more and become more motivated and/or inspired to do more or improve oneself.

And then there’s “bad stress,” which does the exact opposite. Bad stress or “distress” can wear people down, cause anxiety, lead to poor concentration and performance, and is generally the kind of stress that doctors tell you to avoid because of how detrimental it can be to your overall health. You can learn more about the differences and impacts both kinds of stress here.

A lot of the stressors I’ve dealt with the past month or so, especially the ones coming from work, had really brought me close to my breaking point in a few instances but had led me to realize that I had to realign my body, mind and spirit. More importantly, it made me realize that I had not quite yet found inner peace.

During the time I was writing and revising this blog, I went on a well-deserved vacation with some family. In the days leading up to my time off, I realized that I haven’t really been on a real vacation in nearly four years, which is probably another reason why I haven’t felt in peace in a while and there were a few instances during my trip and made me more anxious and less relaxed.

To be honest here, a recent rewatching of “Kung Fu Panda 2” had actually inspired me to talk about inner peace because that was sort of the general theme of that movie and with all the stress that I had been facing, I thought it might be an interesting topic to focus on. Sorry for going off a little tangent, but let’s continue.

I don’t believe I have ever achieved true inner peace like what is mentioned throughout “Kung Fu Panda 2” or even discussed in the spiritual texts of the Dharmic Religions, but I can surely tell you that I’ve had periods of my life where things flowed more like a gentle stream than a raging river, especially when it came to my mental and emotional wellbeing. If anything, this moment in my life is, at most, just a big bump in the road because of everything I’ve been through the past year and a half.

I moved to New York City and started a new job in the middle of March 2020 — at the beginning of the coronavirus pandemic, which was followed by the start of what might be one of the biggest social justice revolutions that my generation would ever face coming from the impact of George Floyd, along with everything going on during a presidential election year. To say 2020 was quite a year would be an understatement, especially if you were someone like me who made big life changes during that time too.

With being cramped up in an apartment and working remotely, I let some the chronic stressors everyone faces get the best of me and wear me down thin and into an unhealthy state of wellbeing. I stopped going to the gym as frequently as I did — even when everything began to reopen — and let my diet slip, I wasn’t reading a lot of my Bible or any of the self-improvement books I bought myself, and I had little to no social life by only hanging out with one friend I made in New York and my aunts who lived nearby on ocassion.

Though in some cases I do believe God or whatever is controlling this universe has a plan for everyone, there’s also a part of me that believes God helps those who help themselves and we can be the masters of our own fate too. There are some things in life one can or cannot control but I think some of the bad stress that I’ve been experiencing is from things I can control. And because I let myself get into this state of unwell-being, I know I can get back to a better state.

I think one of the first steps to find and attaining inner peace is to begin with self-care. Like I’ve mentioned before, God helps those who help themselves, so I believe that by not prioritizing my own wellbeing has led me astray from a more calming state of existence and reap the blessings He and the universe has to offer.

So what I am doing that I can control to realign myself? Well, a couple of things. For starters, I signed up for a membership at a gym that’s more convenient for me so I can get more active and get back in shape. When it comes to my social life, I also signed up for club flag football to make more friends and also stay active; and, I’ve been researching different churches nearby to find more community in the city. Additionally, I restarted my reading habit by attempting to read at least one chapter from some non-fiction.

These may not feel like big tasks to some but to others like myself, these are definitely steps in the right direction.

As for the stressors that aren’t necessarily in my control, like work? Not quite sure where to go with this one but I believe by reprioritizing myself and my own needs, I might be able to find inner peace through my career too.

Sorry if this seemed all over the place but I guess you can say this blog’s writing has been just as a chaotic as my life has been the past few weeks!

What do you to hunt for inner peace and tranquility in your life? Let me know in the comments — maybe we could help each other out.